Murmp

Fancy-pants scientists may say that cell phones may be worse than a nip of hooch when it comes to driving, so we did a quasiscientific and questionably legal experiment of our own to see just how seriously these twin menaces — cell phones and vodka — can affect driving ability.

Using noted drinker Roger Hibbert as a guinea pig, we headed for the hallowed grounds of our local Malibu Grand Prix, carrying a phone, a stopwatch, a Breathalyzer, and bottle of 100-proof Absolut. Our goal: To find out if our subject could stay on the road while besotted or blathering. Our results will shock you to your very soul.